After I read this article, "I Dated a Manipulator & It Nearly Ruined Me." I felt like the article was written for me. I absolutely hate looking back on my last serious relationship because I hate wishing I would of left 2 months into the whole thing. The truth is, I can't change anything. I also wouldn't change anything because I'm beyond proud of myself and where my life is going.
That article makes me cringe because it's more true than I'd ever like to admit. The 10 statements that the article mentions are; "I never knew where I stood or what to expect, He was incredibly well spoken, I put in all the effort, My life revolved around him, My friends were annoyed, He was unwilling to compromise, I lived in fear, He was completely in charge, There was no such thing as "talking things through"and he didn't change until I left."
I truly has no idea where I stood or what to expect, almost always. He'd beg me to cook or bake for him and then make fun of me for doing so to his friend's wife. If I didn't fold my towel the way he liked, he'd flip out.. it was always okay for him to throw his wet towel on the bed. I'd clean the house spotless, but if I left homework on the counter it would be an issue. There were times that it was okay for me to leave a mess, I'd be cleaning it up and he'd want to spend time together.. 6am rolls around and he'd be wondering why I didn't wake up to start cleaning things up.
He was incredibly well spoken. That's what attracted me to him. This is also what made me hate him. He could take anything I ever said and use it against me at any second. If I tried to explain my emotions or feelings, he'd instantly have some long response to cancel out anything I was feeling and somehow, it always turned back on me. The dude that was more than twice my weight and could pick me up with one arm was able to convince people that he lived in fear and I was physically abusive... Although he accidentally slipped up and told me he had lied about things that would of made me never even spend the night with him.. yet I lived with him, up until that point.
Putting in all of my effort was a game for him. He'd complain about how I didn't happily great him when he came home. When I did, he'd complain about how I didn't have the 3rd load of laundry folded and put away. I would get so emotionally drained from doing everything he wanted and still getting yelled at.. then I'd find a card on the counter with a million written words and/or gifts to tell me that he was sorry that he didn't show how much he appreciates things.
My life obviously revolved around him. I was 40 minutes away from home, I didn't have friends I could run to. I spent many nights alone and on the phone with friends or my mom.
I'm beyond embarrassed that I allowed someone to be so in charge. It makes me feel weak that no matter how fearful I was for what would happen when he came home, I was there willingly. I ignored people that tried to get me to see all of the wrong. I didn't want to believe his unfaithful ways. I wanted his lies he told me to be true. They weren't.
I went through complete hell and back, a few times. Once I was finally free of him, I grew so much as a person. I was able to graduate. I was able to take an internships and after 4-5 months, I was offered a job. I've spent time to focus on me and to make myself happy. I'm glad I was weak and fearful of someone. I've extremely strong now and there is no way I'll ever allow myself to get involved or stay with anyone that makes me fearful or manipulates me.