Saturday, November 9, 2013

#BEDN: Blogging & what held me back.

I really like today's topic of the challenge. I think it's something I've been wanting to discuss. I started this blog as a way to just write about my life. I had absolutely no idea that there was such a wonderful blogging community. I never thought I'd meet so many wonderful people just by writing. I apologize ahead of time if I get off track a little bit, but it's all things I've been meaning to address about my blog and why I haven't been the blogger I wanted to be for the past year.

When this blog first started, I was in a 3 year relationship. I blogged about my relationship non-stop. I loved that I'd be able to look back one day and see where we were back then. I didn't really think that one day I'd never want to read those posts.

I remember the day that I knew I wanted out of the relationship, it was Sweetest Day. It was also the night he told me he was planning on proposing within the next 6 months. I couldn't wrap my head around that. At a time I wanted all of that, but I didn't anymore. I didn't leave though. I trusted that we could fix things. At the same time I didn't want to fix it, I just wanted to move on. I knew him well enough to know he just wasn't able to give me the things I needed from a significant other. 8 months later we were going through things I won't mention, I wasn't wearing my rings anymore, I practically hated everything about him, us and me. Finally it was done.

Since that first day that I wanted out, I had one hell of a time blogging. People would constantly ask me why I never talked about him. It was hard enough to fake it in front of our families. How was I suppose to blog about someone who made me feel the way I felt? I can fake a smile for only so long. Through the whole break-up I wasn't even able to talk to anyone about it. I didn't want to blog. I had nothing to say to anyone. I was so angry about who he ended up being in the end. I was angry I didn't leave before everything I went through at the end. I knew if I opened up, I'd spill everything and I'm too good of a person to tell the world how crappy (see, I'm still being nice) someone is.

I find myself now, still having a hard time getting back into blogging. I've considered deleting my blog. However, I'm not going to do that. It's been a struggle at times. Yes, my life is so much different now than when I first started. I just have to keep reminding myself that I didn't start my blog to be about my past. I started it to be about my present.

I've mentioned earlier this week that I'm in a new relationship. I'm also at this point in my life that I don't want all of my personal business out there. Which can be hard to control when I'm a lifestyle blogger. Yes, you'll hear about my man from time to time. He's great. It's nice to be happy. I'm enjoying every second of it.

My best advice that I can give to a new blogger is to just be yourself. It's okay to have posts that might not entertain everyone. It's okay to be too honest. It's not okay to act like someone you're not. Don't allow yourself to change your blog in order to "fit in" with big shot bloggers.

I had a non-blogger reader contact me a few months back. She actually lives pretty close to me and found many similarities between us. I honestly talk to her more than I talk to people I've know for years. It made me realize that being myself while blogging may not be the way to be the most popular blogger, but it allowed me to meet wonderful people who truly care and can actually relate to struggles I might be going through. 

I do understand that it's a typical blogger thing to say, "I blog for me." However, I truly do. I found that when I decided to actually spill my feelings and emotions about something that may have been a struggle it has helped me face the problem and deal with it. I also understand that this blog is no longer everyone's cup of tea. I'm okay with that. I do a damn good job hiding my emotions and feelings from a lot of people, this is my place and most of time time I just type until it's all out and I hit "publish" before I can hesitate about posting. 

Here's two past blog posts all about blogging:

"You can't blog with us"

"I Just Blog"

1 comment:

  1. AHH! Please tell me you're talking about me in terms of the non-blogger reader. UGH. I need a blog, haha. What am I doing with my life and why am I not blogging? Oh wait, I'm busy texting you and getting fat on all the foods. Haha. Love you. Love the (maybe) shout out. <3333333

    PS, I just saw you can comment from an AIM account. Dead.


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