Wednesday, October 2, 2013

I got a scar I can talk about.

I can not believe it's already Wednesday. My first class is tonight. The days go by way too fast when I'm in school. The past few days have been so eventful and pretty wonderful. I'm not sure how much I want to share right now just because I don't know who I know (or used to know) in real life that reads my blog.

I know that recently my blog probably hasn't been everyone's cup of tea. However, with every emotional and honest post I receive comments and e-mails from people who tell me that they don't always comment, but they can relate or that they needed to hear something I said. I will not be the most entertaining blogger and maybe there are posts that people don't care to read, but I didn't start blogging to be that kind of blogger. I started blogging so I could just write and maybe other people could relate to my life the way it is.

Lately I've noticed that people I know in real life have been asking me questions about my break-up with the dude I spent 3 years with. Yes, it has been months. Yes, it was a long time coming. However, I shut everyone out during that time. I was more vocal on my blog than I have been to anyone I know. I've realized lately that people are actually concerned, maybe they just were trying to give me my space at first. Everyone has questions. I don't always have answers. I do my best.

A co-worker two weeks back asked me many questions..
Are you guys back together? Never.
Have you tried to talk things out? Up until I realized there was no point and I needed to move on.
Why did he lie so much? A tiger can't change it's stripes.
Don't you ever wonder how this could happen? Not anymore.
Are you okay? I'm always okay.

Last night my boss was concerned and asked a few questions..
Have you been out on dates? Yes.
Is there a chance you'll get back together? If hell freezes over.
Are you okay? Yup.
Did you ever get closure? No.
Are you really okay? I'm always okay.

Last week I had a doctor's appointment and she asked me about everything. It was the first time that someone didn't beat around the bush. It was the first time I had to tell the whole story to someone and fight back tears. It has nothing to do with the person. It's just hard to open up and tell someone how horribly someone treated me. It's hard to talk about how alone I felt. She made me feel so much better about everything. She shared a similar break-up in her life. She also gave me some advice and some words that will stick with me forever.

Break-ups suck. They're hard. I knew I had to walk away. I knew he would never be able to treat me right. That doesn't take back all the things that hurt me or made me feel like I was nothing. It's so easy to walk away from a relationship and act like I never even cared. That's not real. I cared, more than I ever should of. It's a part of life.

If you've read this entire post, it may seem like I'm upset or not okay. That's not the case at all. I'm growing as a person more and more each day. Yes, I absolutely have days that I feel different emotions about things I've gone through. If I didn't go through all the emotions, I wouldn't be able to move forward with my own life and my own plans.

This new chapter in my life wouldn't be possible without the other chapters I've finished. I'm grateful for every moment. I'm feeling positive and motivated. I never understood why bad things happen, but everything truly does happen for a reason.

2 comments:

  1. Good post love. I hope you're doing wonderful.

    Have a great day at school. =)

    ReplyDelete
  2. Some people mistake stuff like this as someone crying out, and in some cases that's probably true,. I've done that before. But, being so open is also a way of showing growth. :) I think a lot of people don't see that.
    Glad you are doing better.
    Have a good day at school!!

    ReplyDelete

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