Friday, August 9, 2013

Time to be honest...

I promised I'd be honest and explain what is going on in my life. I thought this post would take a few days to actually post. However, tonight I'm just going to say what needs to be said and not spend any time editing it. I realized that if any of you follow me on Twitter you're going to eventually understand what's going on.

My relationship of 3 years has come to an end. It's been a long time coming. It's been an issue I wanted to mention, but because I respected that person I decided to hold off until it was completely done. It's hard to walk away from someone you spent so much time with. It's hard to realize that the what ifs were simply unrealistic. I sat around the past three months willing to talk about things, willing to admit my wrongs and willing to put it all behind us. However, I wasn't willing to accept all the bullshit I went through without a sincere apology. I am not at fault for why things didn't work out. I gave it my all, I did way more than I ever should of.

You can only deal with being disrespected for so long before it completely breaks you down. I won't even get into all the issues and situations that I was dumb enough to stick through. I wanted to walk away more times than I can even explain. I allowed someone to treat me in this way, I allowed myself to be so unhappy and it made me weak.

I completely ignored the fact that I'm motivated, I'm a hard worker and I want so much more out of life than to be such a weak unhappy person. I allowed someone to treat me so poorly and I still was willing to forgive and move on. I was the bad person because I didn't understand why he couldn't take me on vacation for my 21st birthday only to find out 3 days before he was leaving to go on vacation to the same place I wanted to go for my birthday. I was also the bad person when he said we'd go somewhere this summer and when I told him where I wanted to go he told me a week later he was going there.

Then I finally understood that forgiving and moving on didn't mean moving on with this person. This was not the relationship I dreamed of. It was another relationship that was meant to make me realize how much I deserve. It was 3 years that I spent with one person that I would never take back. I have learned so damn much. I have grown more than ever. I'm so grateful for this relationship.

I've been out with guys that I thought were just friends. I've gone out for guys nights only to realize that there was an agenda.  I have always hung out with mostly guys. I enjoy being part of guys night, but some of my guy friends think that because I get along with all their dude friends and because I can be fun that they should jump on the chance to date me. I've lost some pretty good guy friends the past few months because of this. I didn't want to date any of the guys I've been hanging out with.

I mentioned that I've found something that makes me happy. I have. Yes, that something is a someone. It a completely different situation than I ever pictured myself being in. I've never had an issue getting a guy that I was interested in. This was the first time that I really doubted my chances of ever having an opportunity to go on a date with a guy. Not because I felt that I wasn't good enough, but simply because I was told that my age might be an issue. However, I went for it. And I scored a date this weekend.

Since I've had this blog, I've never been single. I can't promise that I will give details about my dating life. I feel weird by simply mentioning my date this weekend. However, I promised that I'd be open and honest and I think I did that in this post. I think this post was important in order to keep blogging. I'm tired of going around the issues and even though I probably should sleep on it before I post this, I'm not going to. I never wanted to be a blogger that was anything but real.

7 comments:

  1. HUGS!! I'm proud of you for not dealing with crap you don't deserve anymore! It takes a lot to just walk away especially after so long.

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  2. Hugs! Mandy, you are AWESOME! I'm glad that you stopped letting yourself be 2nd best. Recognizing that the relationship has run its course and you're better alone than you will be together is hard.

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  3. I always wondered but I never wanted to pry. I'm sorry that you got treated like shit but I'm happy you realized it and did what you needed to do! Good luck this weekend ;).

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  4. I am so sorry for the break-up, but it seems like it was the right decision with you. Sending thoughts your way, and I hope your heart heals quickly. Even when your glad to say good-bye, there always seems to be that readjustment period.

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  5. I do not think that you are weak at all. I think the opposite is true, that you are very strong. When people break others down, they do it very slowly—day by day, comment by comment. It’s never all at once. I think it shows that you have a bright perspective on life and on other people…that you give them the benefit of the doubt (but perhaps that someone was a jerk and took advantage of that). Either way, that’s NOT your fault. It’s so clear that you have better things in your future and that you are DESERVING of them. <3 Wishing the best for you!

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