Monday, October 29, 2012

Downfalls of being a princess..

 

To say I’m frustrated would be an understatement. I’m completely fed up.
Am I really writing a blog post while I’m fuming mad? Sadly, yes.

Lately, I feel like I’m constantly being tested. I’m at the point that I’m just done.
I woke up this afternoon after having the most amazing dream about Nashville.
I check my phone, see that I have to go into work early.. which gives me 2 hours.
Instantly I’m stressed about my homework I need to do. I go downstairs to get coffee..

Coffee in hand, I start pacing. I start thinking of every little thing that’s been pissing me off.
I spend about 25 minutes looking like a crazy person, just walking back and forth.
I grabbed my phone and wrote that status. I kept reading it over and over. It felt good.

I have a lot on my plate. I constantly fear a mental breakdown. But, I don’t have time for a breakdown.

Most people don’t take the time to really get to know me. I don’t really like to open up to people.
I have this awesome ability to hold things in until I can’t anymore. Stress, pain.. everything… I hold it in.

When people look at me they assume I’m a bitch. They assume I’m stuck up and that I’m an idiot.
Because, apparently you can’t care about your looks, be a good person and be smart.

Another thing people don’t understand is my sarcasm.
I can say something extremely sarcastic with a straight face, no emotions. It’s either funny or it makes me a bitch.
Or if someone jokes with me I’ll say something sarcastic back and apparently that makes me sensitive.

People read me completely wrong. If they take the time to get to know me, they’re shocked.
But, I don’t make an effort to get people to see all that I am. Maybe I should.. I just don’t.

I’m at the point that I’m so sick of people thinking they can walk all over me or talk down to me.
I don’t like to “put them in their place” because usually it doesn’t really get to me. I ignore it and keep going.
Typically it’s because I see the good in people.. often when I shouldn’t. That’s a huge downfall. HUGE.

My thoughts are all over the place, as well as my emotions.
I’m happy, I’m sad, I’m angry, I’m worried, I’m hopeful, I’m curious…
I can’t even successful put together a post. I’m sorry if you read this and can’t understand any of it.
I’m a strong girl. I just chose to write a post on one of my weakest days. Sigh.. Great blogging skills..

I want to grow from my struggles.
After all, I have “Trust You Struggle” tattooed on me for a reason..
I want to be strong enough to do what’s right for me.
I need more sleep. I need a clear mind.
I need to be more selfish.

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4 comments:

  1. Sorry you are feeling like this!!! People love to judge - it's all based off their own ignorance. Just do you the best that you can. I feel the same way sometimes, work and school, and housework, relationship, just LIFE all piles on and makes you want to crack. Sorry you're feeling so stressed out, hope the feeling passes soon!
    Xo

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  2. Some people have nothing better to do with their time... Keep your head up girl & it's absolutely okay to be selfish sometimes! It's something that is hard to do for some of us, but it is definitely a necessity at times :)

    <3 Melissa

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  3. Dont listen to what others think about you and if they care that much then they are obviously unhappy in their own life so they put others down. Your doing great!

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  4. Are we the same person? Every single thing you just said about how people interpret you and your demeanor, I relate to.

    "When people look at me they assume I’m a bitch. They assume I’m stuck up and that I’m an idiot.
    Because, apparently you can’t care about your looks, be a good person and be smart." - Boom. We're on the same page chickadee! Just keep your pretty head held high and truck through it. Let the haters hate but don't let it get to you. :)

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