Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Between the work, and the hurt and the whiskey

I am going to be a speed blogger right now because I need to get my sleep
deprived butt in bed.. well, I’m in bed, but I need to go to sleep.
See! I do it to myself. Constantly keep myself awake.
I pulled an all nighter last night on accident. By the time I was falling asleep Lucas was getting home
and I felt the need to have a conversation with him until he was falling asleep as my alarm was going off.

Tomorrow I’m waking up early-ish and going to IKEA with my friend Allison!!

Allison and I have been best friends since kindergarten!

Okay.. wait. I was going to try and find an old picture of Allison and I and put it in here.. put some how I came across an old blog I made online… so many mixed emotions brought back…
It’s 1 day shot of being exactly 3 years since I wrote what I’m going to quote…

”I'm over the fact that i was pretty much used, and lied to.  And the fact that i never really felt cared about. But, I mean whatever.  Then again when has anything involving "baby mama drama" worked out.”

”I'm not the type of person who after a breakup has to go make someone jealous,  or make then want me back. I don't need to. Because,  eventually you'll realize you lost more then you'll ever have again. And i'm pretty set knowing that. So I'm done”

Okay. I just read all the way back. Isn’t it weird that you block out certain things that hurt you? I don’t even remember spending so much time, years, upset over something.. but I did. I guess I just never really realized how long it took me to just deal with it.
I shouldn’t of even read any of that because now I’m in a weird anti-social mood.. perfect mood for updating a blog, eh?
I’m not Canadian by the way even though some times my mom and I both develop an accent while talking.

Let’s skip this whole depressing crap. I thought the baby mama drama comment was funny and sassy. I was so excited to read that to Lucas. I guess I shouldn’t of creeped back into my own life while I’m already sad and alone.

As I was saying before I rudely interrupted myself.

Allison and I have been friends for 15 years! Well, she’s moving this summer 4 hours away… which I’m not happy about because we’ve had a really hard time spending time together the past probably 5 years.. we’d see each other but not like before when we’d hang out every single day. Well this year we finally started meeting up to study or grab dinner AND… here’s my news!!
She finally talked me into going to the gym!!
I always say no because I’m a lazy bum who is so out of shape it’s sad.
Tonight I went… my butt was kicked and then kicked again.
I’m going again tomorrow though! I’m going to be so toned!

I would like to add that all of my followers have to understand that I am the absolute skinniest I have ever been. I was at least 40 pounds heavier than this. I wasn’t dieting or anything, I swear!
Because of something that I don’t really want to announce online right now.. my doctor said she’d be keeping a very close eye on my weight.. well that was about 10-20 pounds ago.. last doctors appointment was to get my stitches out and I’m not sure she paid attention.. well I’ve been freaking out that I’d get a medical lecture from my doctor so I started really caring about eating right and getting everything I need in my diet to be very healthy.
However, I can eat. When I eat.. I eat a lot. I’m a messy eater and I’m the biggest dessert eater you will ever meet and I’m willing to bet any amount of money on that. Because of the amount of food that I consume I will constantly call myself a fatty or something.. I guess in this world I shouldn’t because many girls probably think negatively of themselves, but I’m not one of them. After all, Lucas and I call each other bubba.. and that doesn’t sound like a very slim name. I tend to describe how I feel with words that make it sound like I think I’m fat.. If I’m really full I might make a joke about how I probably look like I’m ready to pop out 9 babies.. People constantly give me crap about it all the time “OH MY GOD YOU ARE NOT FAT!!! YOU’RE CRAZY!”.. Yes, if my size 0 self thought I was fat, then I would be crazy.. but I don’t.
Also, when I say that I’m so out of shape.. it’s because I’m so out of shape. I have a flat stomach and I’m skinny.. but I do not have the physical strength to consider myself in shape.. I will soon but currently it’s a work in progress.

Honestly, I think the world might be a better place if people could joke around a little more.
Everyone is beautiful and there’s not reason for any girl to feel insecure about herself.

Lucas might be getting off work soon.. I need to go to bed before so I don;’t stay awake blabbing.

Sweet dreams!!!

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  1. I love your blog! I followed! I would love it if you could check out my blog and follow me? Thanks so much.


  2. i am so glad i stumbled across your blog! i am your newest follower! keep up the good work, girl!

  3. Thanks ladies!! Of course I'm following you guys as well!! :) <3

  4. It's crazy how many things can change. But looking back it's all surreal. I believe everything happens for a reason so looking back isn't a bad thing as long as we appreciate where we've come :)

    Love your blog! :)

    Love, Elizabeth xxx

  5. It is crazy! I'm so grateful for everything I've been through because I'm such a strong person because of it. :) <3


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