Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Some thoughts at 430 am.

Your past is just a story. And once you realize this, it has no power over you.

Let me tell you, it has already been one hell of a year. I'm not really sure if it's to show me I'm stronger than I think, or what. See, I'm not the kind of girl who is going to open up about how a situation made me feel, or how it affects me today. It's not that I don't feel comfortable sharing, I just don't care for sympathy or anything like that. Well, last night I kind of had a lot on my plate and then a moment that just threw me off completely... and at that point, there wasn't really anything I could do to get a grip and just shut my mouth.

I'm a girl, so it's part of my job to just think about something until I practically go crazy. Luckily for me, I had people around me who actually wanted to listen. I actually got really great advice. You can't run from your past, and you absolutely can not change it. Why is it that people allow their past to control who they are today? If you can honestly say that you're in a better place today, you have nothing to be upset about. 

I know that I personally need to start truly being grateful for the past. There are so many things that I will not even think about. I'm great at blocking memories out. It's just a weird emotion I have when I think of the past. I think up until last night, I was so angry about the past. I couldn't understand how over and over I could trust people who used me, cheated on me, lied to me, hurt me.. I couldn't understand how someone could care so little about someone.. it honestly made me feel a little weak at times. I was taking it out on myself and that's not right at all. 

The people who have hurt me, friends, family, ex-boyfriends.. they're not in my life for a reason. But me? I'm doing amazing! I'm happier than ever, I have my life figured out and for once.. the life I have is the one I've always wanted. I'm in a better place and I'm surrounded by people that don't hurt me and do everything they can to put a smile on my face. I feel lucky and I feel alive. I'm not sure how someone managed to open up my eyes last night.. but I'm so grateful for the conversation. It was like a million pounds was lifted off my shoulders.

I'm so grateful for everything and everyone I have in my life. I have never, ever had so many supportive people in my life. I've never had so many people I can count on no matter what. I believe that everything happens for a reason. I think that sometimes you go through hard times so that you'll appreciate the little things more than ever.

Life is great. I wouldn't change a thing.