Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Never gonna grow up, never gonna slow down.

I can't sleep. I have to be up in 3 hours for class. It's making me super anxious. I have so much to get done tomorrow because tomorrow night Lucas is taking me to meet the Detroit Red Wings, once again! I'm very excited! If only I could actually get sleep. I worked tonight, had the most unreal table.. and it honestly made my night living hell. Can't wait to have the next two days with my man. I need an overdose of Lucas. And some well deserved fun. I also need to find a halloween costume for work. Super random, but.. last night I had a dream that it was my 30th birthday.. Lucas was 33, we were married, lived in this gorgeous house and 3 little kids. Usually my dreams are insane and crazy.. but last night, it was peaceful and not very eventful. When I woke up.. I was seriously scared out of mind. Not because I don't want any of that.. believe me, I do.. but I'm swear I have never met anyone that is as terrified of growing up as I am. I have it all planned out, I'm going to have a great life and there's not doubt about that. I wish there were more hours in a day and more days in the week. Time keeps passing. I look back at memories and its no longer "a year or two ago" its "four or fives yesrs ago". Im going to be 20 this year. I will no longer be a teenager. Even though I live an adult life, I'm not ready to not be a teenager. People I talk to who are in their mid-late 20's think I'm crazy and they say "I wish I could be 20 again"... exactly why I dont want to get older.. I never want to miss being young and free. So all these girls my age that have kids, enjoy motherhood!.. because while its perfectly normal for someone without a kid to do whatever they want.. its not okay for a mother to do. I will spend the next few years doing as much as possible with my life. I want to have fun and be free... because when I'm a wife and a mom, I'm going to live my life for my family. I never want to wish i had time to go out or blah blah blah. I have time now, and I dont want to waste it. Ugh, why is the future so scary? Wow. I really need to figure out how to fall asleep, fast. Class will be a struggle tomorrow.

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