Friday, September 23, 2011

I promise I'm not looking back, I'll love you till the end of this.

Well, here goes nothing. I decided to try this out. I've been thinking about it for a while, even created the account.. and finally, here I am. I actually decided this because I'm so fed up with Tumblr. Maybe I should just say I'm fed up with social networking. I don't understand why people take the internet so seriously. I'm not 16, I don't need anyone's approval for what I do with my life or what I post on my blog. I just want to be able to say whatever I want, and not hear people complain about it. So please, don't read this if you're going to upset yourself over words I type.

So yesterday Lucas took me to get my first tattoo. "Trust Your Struggle" on my hip. I feel that if I'm going to get a tattoo, it better really hit home and mean a lot to me. Lucas' half sleeve is all music. It's the most beautiful tattoo I have ever seen. My favorite painting is A Starry Night and his tattoo reminds me of that. He's going to get the rest of his arm finished so he can have a full sleeve. I'm so excited for him! He keeps asking me if I'd be mad if he finished his sleeve, which is great that he cares but I think he's so used to girls that don't support him and what he wants. It drives me crazy because as long as he's happy, I'm happy.. but he's so concerned that there's going to be something that makes him happy, that will make me upset. We went to look at new things he needed for his drum set. It's been over a year since he's played. He felt so guilty about spending his hard earned money on something that means so much to him and something that makes him happy. After an hour of him being a little kid in a candy store, I finally convinced him to just buy all the stuff. He kept asking why it didn't make me upset that he was spending almost two grand on this stuff. Seeing him so excited when he was setting up his drums, made me seriously so happy. Haha, it's almost annoying to me that I'm such a little girl about him still. Happiness is great and love is beautiful.

Tonight would be the perfect night to catch up on sleep. But, of course.. I can't sleep because Lucas is at work and I don't feel great right now. I miss Lucas, and it sucks so much. I guess that's just a part of growing up...  I'm currently working full time and I'm going to school full time. I'm actually doing really good in school. Probably because I actually have a plan for the future that I'm excited about. I have always wanted to move to Nashville. I just assumed I'd never find anyone who would just up and leave with me to another state. The future kind of scares me. I can't wait to have everything we have planned.. but I'm terrified of growing up. I'm seriously so scared that I'm going to look back, when I'm 35 with 4 kids, a career and bills for everything, and wish I would of done more when I was young and free (free of kids, career and major bills). Lucas already has his career and we both already have bills, but still... Lucas turned 23 this month. I'm going to be 20 in a few months. Why do I feel old? I don't like age. Yes, I probably sound crazy.. but really I don't want to get older it freaks me out.

Okay, I really need to go to bed. It's 250 am. I'm not sure how often I will update this.. I promise my next updates will be way better than this one.. I just sleepy so it's super lame..... Well, goodnight!

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