Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Now or never... (QUICK UPDATE)

I wasn't lying when I said that I wanted to get back into blogging. However, life took multiple turns and I've been too busy to sit down at my computer and produce a decent blog post. It can't hurt to fill in anyone that still reads my blogs, but might not closely follow me on social media.

After TWO years of being single and not being into the idea of dating anyone, I'm actually in a relationship. I know at the beginning of a relationship it's expected to be in the state that you feel like you've never been happier. The difference is, I've known my boyfriend for 11 years. When we were young, we'd always act like a couple. We never had a "title" back then no matter how many times we reconnected.

Seven months ago, he finally moved back home. I was so excited to have him back in my life. Then I realized that I wasn't okay with just being his friend. After about 5 months of blowing him off and him giving up trying to hang out, I finally explained that I couldn't just be his friend. He took me on a date (the only way I was willing to see him) and I instantly knew I was willing to do anything to make it work. He made me want a relationship even though we both didn't want to rush anything. He randomly woke up one morning, while he was away, and wanted to make it official.

In our past, we went through hell and back together. We both hurt each other because we were young and extremely dumb. We're now able to laugh about it or jokingly give each other crap about it. In-between then and now, we've both been hurt by other people that meant a lot to us. I truly believe that we had to go through our past together and our pasts with other people in order to finally grow as people and finally find a way back to each other.

Everyday I wake up, even if it's a morning I don't wake up next to him, I just feel beyond lucky that he's in my life and he's finally my man and I'm finally his woman. He always takes me on the best adventures, but also makes me completely enjoy nights that we decide to stay in bed and binge on Netflix.

I honestly don't recall ever being so weird or laughing so much with someone. I'm not used to having someone that truly cares if I'm upset or even slightly bothered by something. I never thought way back then that we'd be where we're at right now. It honestly still amazes me how life works out. If I could go back in time, I wouldn't change a single thing.

I decided to somehow mention to my boyfriend that I used to blog. He likes to pull up my blog randomly when I'm next to him, but swears he hasn't read it. That might be the only thing I slightly doubt him on.  I fully cringe thinking of him reading my crappy blog. So, I hope he can forget about it for a bit and won't read this before I decide to tell him I blogged about him.

Honestly, I've never been happier. I've never been more grateful that things actually worked out in our favor... even 11 years later. I've always loved him as a person. He's always been someone that I needed in my life no matter how many miles separated us. He's always been someone that just gets me. I'm grateful that I'm actually in love with my best friend. He's beyond incredible. I'm finally truly happy. 

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Thoughts from an ex-blogger..

My desire to get back to writing has been so strong lately. I can't seem to figure out if I want to blog again. At the same time, I REALLY want to blog again. I've found comfort in my privacy. This comfort has made me uncomfortable with openly sharing details of my life. However, blogging always was there to provide me with an outlet to express my thoughts, feelings and emotions. The people I was able to connect with through blogging was always an incredible bonus.

I didn't want to blog when I realized that people that I don't want to be part of my life were reading my blog posts. During this time I also stopped being active on Twitter and Instagram. I felt that it was unfair to me that specific people were able to catch up on my life via social media.

There are many issue I face with returning to my blog. I need to allow myself to step outside of my comfort zone of keeping my life private. I need to be okay with the fact that some people, that shouldn't be reading my blog, will read my blog. I need to remind myself of how many people I've been able to connect with and at times even help because of specific things I've posted on this blog.

One issue will never be with the amount of people that still follow me. If I begin blogging again, I'll be beyond grateful to have people that stuck around or decide to come back.  I have never been concerned about the amount of readers/subscribers I have. I'd rather have multiple people that can relate to or get something out of my content opposed to having thousands of subscribers. If I was looking for numbers and looking to make money, I'd need to start fresh and make a blog that has clickbait and money making worthy content. I'm just looking to blog, not to make a living off of blogging.

I want to make my way back into blogging. It can't hurt to give it another shot. Blogging was something I truly loved doing and I truly have been missing it for a few months.

While looking back on my blog, I realized that I'm in desperate need of a new blog design. I no longer have the knowledge of specific codes and all that to make my blog look the way it does now. So, if you're reading this.. just know that any hotmess blog layout you may encounter after this post will be a temporary thing until I'm able to re-educate myself on how to make a decent layout.

Anyways... If you are reading this, thank you! I truly appreciate the people that always come back even after a long, unannounced break. I honestly am going to do all that I can to put all of my concerns aside and just blog.

Thursday, September 8, 2016

"I Dated A Manipulator"

After I read this article, "I Dated a Manipulator & It Nearly Ruined Me."  I felt like the article was written for me. I absolutely hate looking back on my last serious relationship because I hate wishing I would of left 2 months into the whole thing. The truth is, I can't change anything. I also wouldn't change anything because I'm beyond proud of myself and where my life is going.

That article makes me cringe because it's more true than I'd ever like to admit. The 10 statements that the article mentions are; "I never knew where I stood or what to expect, He was incredibly well spoken, I put in all the effort, My life revolved around him, My friends were annoyed, He was unwilling to compromise, I lived in fear, He was completely in charge, There was no such thing as "talking things through"and he didn't change until I left."

I truly has no idea where I stood or what to expect, almost always. He'd beg me to cook or bake for him and then make fun of me for doing so to his friend's wife. If I didn't fold my towel the way he liked, he'd flip out.. it was always okay for him to throw his wet towel on the bed. I'd clean the house spotless, but if I left homework on the counter it would be an issue. There were times that it was okay for me to leave a mess, I'd be cleaning it up and he'd want to spend time together.. 6am rolls around and he'd be wondering why I didn't wake up to start cleaning things up.

He was incredibly well spoken. That's what attracted me to him. This is also what made me hate him. He could take anything I ever said and use it against me at any second. If I tried to explain my emotions or feelings, he'd instantly have some long response to cancel out anything I was feeling and somehow, it always turned back on me. The dude that was more than twice my weight and could pick me up with one arm was able to convince people that he lived in fear and I was physically abusive... Although he accidentally slipped up and told me he had lied about things that would of made me never even spend the night with him.. yet I lived with him, up until that point.

Putting in all of my effort was a game for him. He'd complain about how I didn't happily great him when he came home. When I did, he'd complain about how I didn't have the 3rd load of laundry folded and put away. I would get so emotionally drained from doing everything he wanted and still getting yelled at.. then I'd find a card on the counter with a million written words and/or gifts to tell me that he was sorry that he didn't show how much he appreciates things.

My life obviously revolved around him. I was 40 minutes away from home, I didn't have friends I could run to. I spent many nights alone and on the phone with friends or my mom.

I'm beyond embarrassed that I allowed someone to be so in charge. It makes me feel weak that no matter how fearful I was for what would happen when he came home, I was there willingly. I ignored people that tried to get me to see all of the wrong. I didn't want to believe his unfaithful ways. I wanted his lies he told me to be true. They weren't.

I went through complete hell and back, a few times. Once I was finally free of him, I grew so much as a person. I was able to graduate. I was able to take an internships and after 4-5 months, I was offered a job. I've spent time to focus on me and to make myself happy. I'm glad I was weak and fearful of someone. I've extremely strong now and there is no way I'll ever allow myself to get involved or stay with anyone that makes me fearful or manipulates me.

Sunday, August 28, 2016

Piece by piece, he restored my faith that a man can be kind and a father could stay.

I had planned on posting about the loss of my Savannah before I posted an update about all of my adventures. However, before I post about Savannah.. I need to make this post. It's not a planned post.. it just needs to be address right now.

My emotions are all over the place and I can almost guarantee that this post will also be all over the place. I'm faced with a situation that I never thought I'd ever have to deal with. I don't want to deal with it.

I'm days away from being able to share something that I'd love to share via social media, but I don't think I'm going to be able to. I think I need to set all of my social media accounts to private and I'm considering making this blog private during this time.

I really don't want to, but I am really uncomfortable with what I'm dealing with right now. I'd love to elaborate on it, but at this time I know I can't.

I will say that I am forever grateful that I was fortunate enough to be raised by my amazing mom and dad (that came into my life and made the decision to be my dad when I was 1 years old)... I'm forever grateful that I have one dad, my "REAL" dad and my only dad.

Blood doesn't make family, I'm so grateful for that. If someone makes it clear that they don't want to be around and that they don't care to father the child.. it's the opportunity to find someone that wants to be a dad.

For now, I'm going to work on editing my friends on social media and going private. I really hope I can get back to blogging and social media soon. Once I figure all of this out, I'll be back.

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

I did it!

The photos were super blurry, but I can not believe I actually graduated on Saturday. This was something that a year ago I never thought was possible. I actually gave up on the thought of graduating, and accepted that it'd be a few year until I was able to walk the stage. 

It wasn't until I walked into the arena and stood with all the other graduates, in my 5 sizes too big gown, that I felt overwhelmed with emotions. I felt happy and proud that I no longer will allow myself to settle or put other's plans before my own. 

I'm beyond excited to continue at my internship. I'm so lucky to be at a place that I love going to, especially since there are many people that have had horrible experiences with their internships at other agencies. I've never been more motivated to continue my education and chase after my dreams.

I'm in such an amazing place in my life and I couldn't be more grateful for the amazing support system I have cheering me on. I've never been so excited about the future. 

Sunday, April 24, 2016


I didn't completely forget about posting.. I had at least 5 drafts that were almost done. I just let life get in the way a little. Life has been great. I unexpectedly was given the opportunity to graduate this summer. It was a major surprise. 

For over a year, I've known that I needed to complete two internships in order to complete my associate's degree. I felt like there was no way I'd have time for two internships anytime soon. Once I realized that I already have an associate's degree in Applied Science (not my field), I felt that there was no point to wait around, taking random classes while waiting for two internship before moving onto my bachelor's degree. I decided I wanted to change my degree level to a bachelor's degree.

When I went to talk to an academic advisor, she contacted the director of my program. The director of my program was more than willing to help me out so that I could get one of my internships. Last week, I had an interview and they even offered the opportunity to do both of my internships there back to back! Which means that I will have a degree in my field and will be moving onto working for a higher degree in my field! 

While it's easy to say that previous situations held me back from my dreams.. the truth is, I allowed myself to be held back. I'm so grateful for the struggles I went through. I never would of focused on putting myself first. I never would of been able to appreciate this opportunity as much as I do now. 

I feel so motivated. I'm finally happy. I'm finally proud of myself. I finally feel like me again and I haven't felt this way in well over a year. 

I'm going to work on some new posts. I would love to be able to get back into blogging. It feels like the time is finally right.

Hope you all are doing well! 

Monday, February 15, 2016

Sleepy Momma

I did plan on posting this previous week and the week before.. however, I've been so incredibly exhausted and busy. I guess that's a great way of putting, welcome to mom life!

To be completely honest, I'm so happy with where I'm at in life right now. Yes, there are things that are difficult to deal with and I know some of those things will always be hard. For a while I wished that I could go back well over a year ago and made a different decision. I don't wish that now because I've grown so much and gained things I could never give up. My strength, my motivation and my happiness is at an all time high. It feels amazing.

In other news... 
I finally got a kitten! She's such a sassy girl, but she can be the most loving thing at times! When she wakes up and I'm next to her or when I pick her up, she grabs my cheeks and kisses me. 

The bottom left photo is a result of a playful kitty that needs her nails trimmed.

If you follow me on Instagram or Twitter, you've probably already seen these.. Sorry.

She's 7 months old now and at her checkup last week, she weighs 5 pounds! She's tiny, but very healthy and loves to eat. Of course I've already spoiled her so much. I can't help it, it's what I do.

I'm going to do my best to start posting a little more this month!

Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Dating Disaster...

Anytime I've been single in the past, I enjoyed going on dates and getting to know someone. I mentioned recently that I went on a date after people kept suggesting that I should. I'm not looking to jump into a relationship or anything like that, but I figured one date is harmless. Wrong. 

I had someone not understanding why I couldn't hang out any time I was free. Someone that wanted me to call multiple times a day. Someone telling me that it was wrong that I still was on good terms with my ex (my ex I dated for 3 years, not the recent one). I was questioned almost daily about why I still had pictures with that same ex. It turned into me having to put my phone on silent all day and night long while receiving 5-20 missed calls in a day and on average 3 voicemails. Then I realized he was trying to talk to my ex's girlfriend. It was more than weird.

So after not understanding why I didn't want to talk anymore, he went on about how he has a million girls that want him. I then told him that's great, but I'm not interested in guys that would even consider bragging about that because that's immature and annoying. He told me I was lying and then started going on and telling me I was jealous that he had conversations with my ex's chick.

I probably wasn't nice in these texts, but being nice and honest didn't work. (I'm the green box)

This was all days after I blocked him on all social media sites. Then he ended up sending me photos of gifts he bought me. 

After my last breakup, I really enjoy my space. I no longer have tolerance for people that think they can talk down to me or place blame on me for something they did. I'm no longer afraid to call it like I see it. My focus has been and will be on me and my future. I know the right person will come into my life when the time is right.

Also, if everything goes well.. I might have an announcement on Monday!

Tuesday, December 29, 2015

Christmas. Dates. Updates.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas! I absolutely did! Other than being sick.

Yes.. we had to wear ugly Christmas sweaters at work.
This was taken after work. Excuse my hot mess look.

 I was nervous about Christmas this year. It was the first Christmas in almost for ever that I didn't have a significant other. That makes me sound like a serial dater, just keep in mind that many of those years were spent with the same person. I really enjoyed having a polish Christmas Eve and spending Christmas at the casino. I was completely spoiled this year and received so many gifts that I was more than grateful for.

Lately, everyone keeps giving me crap that I haven't gone on dates. I'm not really into that whole dating thing right now. I feel like I've really enjoyed doing things on my own time and not having to answer to someone. So I decided to go on a date.

It was actually really nice. He picked me up, we headed out his way. He took me to his yatch club so we could see Lake Saint Clair. It was dark already, really windy and cold. The waves we're intense! Although I have a fear of looking at open bodies of water (more of a fear of feeling small), it was really beautiful. I'm sure I said, "this is terrifying!" at least 20 times.

Then we went out to eat and after got some frozen yogurt, which I've been craving for a few months! After hanging out for a little while at his house, I was feeling exhausted so we headed back towards my house. It's a pretty good distance between our houses, but I was spoiled and we blasted Sam Hunt in his truck almost the entire way.

I suppose I can admit that everyone was right and that I should allow myself to go out. I have had a good time overtime someone has convinced me to get out. However, it's so much more difficult than it was in the past. I feel like my guard is up 150% and it's not just me being shy like I normally am at first.

Anyways, that's an update on that whole thing.

I'm really excited to start feeling better and getting back to a normal workout routine. I hate feeling weak and exhausted every second of the day. I ended up buying the Fitbit Charge because I felt like it was time to upgrade from the Flex. 

I'll be doing my best to work on more posts! It's been nice to be back, even if it hasn't been often.

Wednesday, December 16, 2015

So many questions......

I have some awesome followers that have reached out to me lately. It shocked me that people that started reading years ago stuck through me going MIA multiple times. Not only did some of these people stick around, they shared so much love and support regarding my recent posts. Some of the e-mails or messages I've received have been hard to respond to, but also gave me a lot to think about.

One e-mail asked all the questions everyone combined has asked. I asked if I could use the e-mail for a blog post. I felt like it would be a good way to clear the air about what I'm comfortable able sharing. So this is part of the e-mail.

I wish that I had responded in a way that would allow me to just screenshot it. However, I appreciate people being open with me and in return I'll be open in order to help someone in a situation they're in. I'm responding publicly, because maybe this will clear a few things up..

Were there signs that I ignored? Yes and no. That's hard to answer. Were there things that I forgave and things I let go when I never should of? Absolutely. 100%.  Did I ever know the truth? I don't think I ever knew the truth. That hurts. It sucks. I was told by this person that there were specific (very serious) situations/issues that I was never told the truth about so I wouldn't judge him.. Makes me sick to my stomach.

Would I do anything differently? No. I gave all of me. In the end, I ended up with life changing factors. I ended up being played. I was made to be that dumb girl. I was the one that was completely screwed over. I was the only one hurt. Would I ever want to repeat any of this? ABSOLUTELY NOT.  I can't change it and I would never want to take back what I've gained. I'm so grateful. I'm looking forward to all the things that will be happening in my life. I'm grateful to be out of a controlling and extremely unhealthy situation.

I feel like I'm always asked about my ex that I dated for 3 years. Yes, we're on good terms. We have been. He'd stop by a lot before I started dating my previous ex. We kept in contact after, but always respected each other's relationships.

I remember a few months back talking about our current relationships and whatever.. And we talked about the past. So the difference between that relationship and the previous one.. That relationship, we were both in it 100%, however we were young. I was 18 when we met and 21 when things ended. He's like 2-3 years older than me. We tried, the timing sucked.. I will always love and appreciate every single memory we had together!

I have no ill feelings towards him and know that I can count on him. He's not a bad person. He's a wonderful person. I'll always be happy for any happiness he finds. So I guess that's the difference when it comes to him and my previous ex. With my previous ex, I know for a fact that regardless of all the life plans we had and all the hell I went through and continue to go through.. I'll never speak a single word to him. I'm also very much content with this.

My advice? When things start to not add up, stay strong. Don't allow someone to make you feel worthless. Don't let someone hurt you so bad over and over. Don't allow someone to control your entire life. Don't let someone use you. Don't allow someone to convince you that their screw ups and slip ups are because of you. They might convince everyone in the world that you're to blame, let them. You know the truth. Don't allow yourself to fight against someone that's willing to do awful things in order to take you down and hurt you. You might convince yourself that they're acting out of character. They also might convince you of that. Do not allow yourself to be be the last to know that they're truly just acting like the person they truly are.

If you don't know the truth at the time, you will discover it. Eventually. It will hurt like hell. I promise. You will wish that you would of walked away. Remember that wishing can not change a damn thing about it. Do what you need to do for yourself. You can go on a million dates, it's not going to help in the long run. Focus on you. You deserve to be selfish. Being selfish seems impossible after being controlled. It's possible.

I knew that I needed to really step up in the adult life. I know that I can't brush off these life changes and that I have to do everything I can to make myself proud. I ended this quarter of school with a 4.0 and I literally cried when I saw that I was able to put my future before all of my stress and hurt.

I promise that it's possible. And for anyone that is reading this and is needing someone to be there for them, don't ever hesitate to contact me via e-mail.

I appreciate all of you that have been here for me. I feel so happy and excited about all that I have going on in my life and I hope to be able to share more about that soon! I'm still considering making this private before I share.

Monday, December 7, 2015


I miss doing confession posts. Mostly because it's basically venting about random things. So here we go. 

I confess....

--I have one week left of classes and I'm stressing myself out about getting a 4.0 this quarter.. even though I know I'll probably get it.

--I am obsessed with my essential oil diffusers. I've gone through far too many bottles of my favorite essential oils, but it's completely worth it.

--Although I love my essential oils and binaural beats.. I am not a crazy holistic believer. 

--It might be finals week and I strained my calf muscle.. However, in the past 7 days I haven't done too bad on my steps.

--I waited on a group of people Thursday night and the one man told me he is able to sense specific health problems people have. He expressed his concern that something is wrong with my gallbladder. After revisiting Google Medical School, just to be safe, I came to the conclusion that he was completely wrong.

--I have experienced two episodes of sleep paralysis last week and both times scared me to tears.

--All of these horrible shootings that have been occurring has caused people to openly rant about gun control. Most of the people that openly state their views on having more gun control also believe that crime from illegal gun owners will be reduced. I still haven't been able to figure out that thought process.

--I'm almost positive that I'm going back to working two jobs.

--I've been trying to use Twitter again. I still constantly forget about it.

--The most annoying thing about being single is constantly being asked out, constantly being hit on and constantly having to deal with people that want to spend every single second with you. AH.

--I'm really nervous about going on dates. It's hard to have a life plan with someone, be played, lied to and then want to be open to the whole dating thing again.

--I deserve to start living my life by my rules and on my time. 

--I'm more tired than I've ever felt in my life and it doesn't help that I keep having the most insane dreams/nightmares. I'm sure it's just normal for all that's going on in my life. However, I know I need to bring it up at my next doctors appointment.

--I feel so grateful for hard times I've gone through recently. It has really motivated me to do more than I ever planned. I feel more confident than I ever have before. Pain breeds strength, trust your struggle. 

Monday, November 23, 2015

Short weekend recap

I've had such wonderful feedback from my last post. After a few people e-mailed me, I realized I can't allow the negative people from my past to keep taking from me. I'm almost positive that I won't be deleting my blog. If anything else comes up, or if I continue to see traffic coming from the cities that those people live in.. I will make this blog private. Simple as that.

I forced myself to step out of my current comfort zone this weekend. I'm so grateful that I did! I went to the Lions game and had some adventures downtown. 

Lions game and Jimmy Howard. Total win. 

I got to see a sneak peak of the auto show, got to go into the venue I saw Corey Taylor at when it was empty and a band was doing a sound check and so many other random things. It was a lot of fun. I absolutely needed a day like that. 

I'm really looking forward to blogging more and I'm really praying that I won't have to make this private. I'll be sure to keep you updated on that! 

Monday, November 16, 2015

On to the next one?

I made the decision that I wanted to come back to blogging. However, I honestly think that I'm going to have to leave this blog and start a new one. Which is very sad, but at this point I'm so sick of all the drama and games. 

After my last post I received a very immature and disturbing Facebook message from a family member of my ex. Asking why I didn't disclose other information about things I did. The allegations that were listed in this Facebook message makes me completely understand why I'm getting prank calls almost daily and why friends and family members of my ex keep contacting me. 

Sometimes when people are wrong, they place blame on anyone they can. And I guess when that same person lies a lot, they'll never admit to false statements. Yes, I have a lot of proof, including voice recordings, that would make these people think twice about what they were told. However, I'm not looking to play dirty. I'm actually not looking to play at all.

The games that these people are playing are absolutely pathetic. I'm very grateful that I'm out of that situation. It has made me realize that it wasn't just the past two months that I was lied to and used... it was the entire relationship. Realizing that has made it so much easier for me to be happy.

There was not a single thing I could of done to prevent the cheating, the bullying and everything else. Not having the house completely spotless when he came home early, not finishing folding the clothes before he noticed, not properly hanging my towel, and not knowing that I should of had his oil changed in his car had absolutely nothing to do with it. It was just another excuse to yell at me and make me the bad person.

I'm so sick of dealing with all of this. I don't want to start over with a new blog, but I'm not okay with certain people reading it. 

I appreciate all of you that have e-mailed me about this situation. Your support has been exactly what I needed in order to deal with all of the pathetic drama. I'm at a really great point in my life. I'm feeling more positive than ever and currently in the process of making a wonderful life change. I'm so excited for what the future holds.

Monday, November 9, 2015

Not ready to make nice.

I have felt unsure of how I would be able to get back into blogging after what I've recently went through in life. I'm still trying to figure out life after everything. It's almost pathetic that I wish I was the bad person in the whole thing. That would be so simple. I'd feel horrible for the choices I made and eventually I'd be over it an on to the next. 

It's frustrating that even after explaining that my mind starts thinking about how all the lies that were made and all the bullying he encouraged will never make him feel bad at all. I'm more than sick of allowing people to try and break me down for not realizing what he was doing. This is my time to be open. This is my time to speak the truth. I don't care who reads this. I'm done letting someone make me a fool when I gave absolutely everything.

For the past month or two I absolutely hated this quote. I made my mistakes, I should of behaved better.. However I changed a lot. I proved that I changed. While working things out I had absolutely no idea his friend and the friend's wife (that he has talked negatively about previous) were trying to hook him up with a teenager (one that he also talked very negatively about). Yes, a little girl that lacks experience in life. A little girl that wanted the world to know that she was going to win him.

This would be the time that I remind you that I was living at his house and we had another house in the works. We had plans for marriage, even made a room for our first future child. "What color should we paint the baby's room, or should we just do a neutral color and repaint when the time comes?" was his question multiple times. So the first time I heard about this little girl trying to "fight me for him" I laughed. 

Eventually I learned about his friend and the friends wife threatening me. Claiming they'd show up while he was at work and tell me to leave. Also telling him that I was probably baking desserts in attempts to poison him. Little did I know that he was a major part of this. He made them believe this.

It makes me feel weak that I believed his word. I'm sick daily thinking about how he'd come home early to cuddle and go to bed early with me. I had absolutely no idea at the time that he was trying to make other people bully me and I had no idea he was talking to a little girl. 

Confronting him about doubts only made situations more extreme. The way that he got his friends wife, this teenager and his sister to bully me on social media was sickening. I didn't want to believe it so I trusted him over and over again. I was dumb.

One day he decided to apologize for how bad he hurt me. He held me and tried to make me feel better.. he left shortly after and didn't come home that night. 

The truth is, he told everyone we had already broken up, months ago. Would come home to a clean house and want to cuddle and be romantic with me. He used me and was completely okay with it.

I had absolutely no idea the things he was saying about me because he was being more into me than I was into him. I had doubts in my mind and I should of trusted them, but it was hard for me to think that the person I thought he was could be such a hurtful liar. 

I packed my stuff and left although he has told everyone he kicked me out. I'll let him say what he wants. This young girl is going to learn a hard lesson, but she earned her win. 

He's called me on the phone and apologized and talked to me like the person I thought he was, but in any text or email he tries to act like some tough guy and accuse me of things that don't make sense and it's officially clear that he was trying to make me out to be the bad person.

And maybe one day, he'll find out what it's like when the tables are turned. To be honest, I don't care. Karma can take over. The hurt I've gone through will never be forgiven. I did far too much in the relationship and the house. He'll never be a man in my eyes.

The last time I saw him was the beginning of November and we woke up, he kept kissing me and I reminded him that this would be the last time and he kept saying, "Stop. That's not true".. hmm. Not sure how someone that can say that and is already talking to someone days later.

It's no longer my concern. I was made the bad person and the fool. Truth is, liars will lie. Cheaters will cheat. It's sick. I've lost far too much weight. The past 1-4 years I've been between 125-128lbs.. I went from 126lbs to 113lbs (I'll only weight myself at the end of the day lately, so it might be less) in a little over a month. I'm not happy with it and I'm doing my best to be healthy and fit, but it's hard constantly being sick from being lied to for so long and cheated on.

I did plan on giving more details, but I think I did a good enough job. At the end of the day, I'm so thankful that I'm done with someone like that. It hurts that I was lied to and hurt so bad. However, he could never be close to the person that I thought he was. So while he convinces everyone I'm obsessed with him and whatever else.. I'm even more grateful that he lied about much more than I'm going to explain to the public since I'm still unsure and don't know if specific things are current legal issues. 

At the end of the day, I'm hurt and I feel like a complete fool. However, I'm more than grateful that I'm not going to be making a life with someone that I never actually knew. All I know is that I'm no longer his fool.

Monday, June 29, 2015

My favorite summer accessory.

Now that it is officially summer, I'm really praying that I'll have time this summer to get to the beach! I swear I have at least 10 bathing suits that I haven't even worn yet. I also am trying really hard to get fit so hopefully I can wear one of the many crop tops that I have.

This also means that I'm in need of some new belly button rings! I've been searching for a few that would be perfect for summer. I ended up finding a few from Freshtrends that were very affordable and will be perfect!

I love the seashell one! And obviously love the anchor ones because they'll match my new tattoo.

(This picture was taken while it was still healing)

I'm looking forward to this summer! I'm also looking forward to having a chance to show off my new belly button rings and get a tan! 

Do any of you have a favorite summer accessory?

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

My life now..

It's been a while since I've posted. I understand that the amount of readers I have has gone down. However, when I first started blogging it was for me. I'm grateful for the people I've met through this blog and always will be. It's something I never expected. So if you're still reading this.. here's a little update on where I'm at in my life..

I feel the the luckiest girl in the entire world every single day. Finding the man of my dreams and being able to plan a future together has been nothing short of absolutely amazing. I'm beyond excited for everything we have planned.

Currently, we're spending our weeks between his house and my parents house. We stay at my parents house if it's a night before I work since it's closer. I've never lived on my own.. I have a great relationship with my parents. However, I've really enjoyed spending half of the week at his house and taking on "housewife" duties. 

He works extremely hard, never asks me to lift a finger and at the end of the day he's asking what else he can do for me. It makes it easy and enjoyable for me to wake up and want to clean or attempt to cook. It's absolutely wonderful to have someone so motivated and hardworking.. but also someone who wants to constantly surprise me and acts silly with me.

Many people have asked me why I haven't completely moved in with him since he owns his own house. I'm always very excited to tell everyone that I'm moving in with him when his new house is ready! This will take place this summer. 

With only a few months left, I'm doing my best to learn all that I need to know in order to be the best "future wife" I can be. He makes it very easy.

It's been so wonderful to have so much family love from both sides. I've never felt so accepted and loved by someone's family and my parents have never been more proud and loving towards anyone I've ever dated. I've never been so happy and I'm constantly grateful for every thing we've both gone through before we met. I know that we both deserve this amount of love and happiness. I'm so excited to see what the future has in store for us!

Wednesday, March 4, 2015

My addiction.

I realize I never got back into blogging. Life has been insanely busy, yet absolutely wonderful! Can't wait to catch you all up, very soon. However, there is something I want to post about.. my Fitbit addiction.

I got a Fitbit for Christmas, I was excited to get back into working out. Then I quickly realized that you can add friends on Fitbit and compete with them. Daily, weekly and weekend challenges. All of a sudden, I was addicted to being competitive with my steps.

Then my amazing boyfriend decided to get me a treadmill so we could workout together at home, or so I could run while he was working on the new house or if he was at work or school. So the first night on my treadmill I was so excited about all of my steps.

Then.. I started getting him involved in cheering me on so I could beat everyone I was competing with. He even would walk or run with me. Even if it meant we were going to run in place while watching Marriage Bootcamp.. Yes, we love the show.. blame it on my (and his previous) major.

I begged him to get a Fitbit. It wasn't until I told him I was going to buy him one that he decided to buy one that same day. I was excited.. until I realized that he never stops moving and is constantly ahead of me or just a few steps behind.

My mom is always in first place, so I pretty much know that no matter how many steps I get.. she'll be at the gym for an extra hour or more just trying to get so far ahead no one can beat her. I've caught myself multiple times telling my boyfriend to stop walking around the house and just slide... Yes, crazy to think that I begged him to get one.

Not only can you compete with others, you compete with yourself to get to your daily goals. You also get to a point that you're making secret goals in your head and get determined to beat them before midnight.

I haven't been posting much on social media, but I have been occasionally posting Fitbit related things on Instagram. So next time I beat my highest steps, I'll be sure to post. Feel free to follow me username: Mandyshippe

Also, if you have a Fitbit and want to join in on challenges feel free to add me! 

No, this post was not in anyway sponsored by Fitbit or anyone else. I do however envy anyone who was able to write a sponsored post by Fitbit. Lucky bitches. 

Well, it's time to get back to my addiction.. Happy stepping!

Monday, January 5, 2015

New Year, New Post.

I wanted to make blogging a resolution, until I realized that I don't make resolutions. However, I can make more of an effort to get back into writing. So consider this my first step in the right direction..

I'm beyond excited for 2015. It's already off to an amazing start. I'm in a relationship and I'm extremely happy. He treats me like a princess and loves to surprise me with cute and lovely things just to remind me how much he cares. The holidays were wonderful. We spent Christmas Eve with my parents then woke up Christmas morning and opened gifts, then spent Christmas with his family. 

Hanging our first ornaments we got for each other.

Laughing too much to be able to pose for pictures.

New Years Eve we decided to just have a relaxing and stay in. We drank too many beers and after our kiss at midnight, we cheers our favorite shot; fireball..

New Years day we didn't make an effort to get up or be productive until we were sick of watching HGTV and had to head back up to my parent's house for dinner. Much needed relaxation!

I'm very excited for everything that 2015 has to offer. I'll be celebrating my golden birthday, 23 on February 23rd. My boyfriend is taking my parents and I to see Garth Brooks on February 20th and then he's taking me to Nashville the following weekend and bought me tickets for the game so I can finally watch my Red Wings play in my future city! 

I'm so grateful for everything that happened in 2014 that led me to where I'm at in my life right now. I feel like the luckiest girl, everyday. It's absolutely a feeling I can get used to.

Hope you all enjoyed your holidays!! 

Monday, November 10, 2014

Stress and happiness update.

I wish I blogged more so I wouldn't be stressing over how to even write this post. I'm still overwhelmed with school and work. I still barely have time for myself. However, things are starting to look up and it's hard not to be happy lately.

About two or more months ago I completely gave up dating. I was so sick of hearing how I'm too busy. I was so sick of being lied to or mistreated. I was completely okay with not wasting my time with unneeded distractions. 

Then on my first day of class, I text one of my best friends telling her I was going to marry this guy in my class. I obviously assumed I'd never have the courage to speak to him. Every time he makes a statement during our family dynamics class discussions, every girl in the room instantly light up. An insanely attractive guy who completely respects women, it's clear I'm not the only one in that class not used to that combination.

Fast forward to two Sunday ago.. We went on our first date. It was honestly the best date I've ever been on. I've never been treated so well. All of the things that I've wanted from guys in the past that made them tell me I expect too much, he did. It was just such a nice change to feel happy and comfortable. 

We also went out this past Saturday. He was able to meet my mom and she completely approved. Although we just got food a few drinks and talked for hours, I completely enjoyed myself. I'm really looking forward to being able to spend more time with someone who is so motivating and positive. It's also been nice to have someone who understands my crazy schedule firsthand. 

So it might be the only time that I enjoy having the same class twice a week. It also might be the only time that I really don't enjoy how quickly my 10 week classes are going by. I'm not rushing anything, I'm just enjoying my happiness. I'm pretty damn sure I completely deserve this. 

I still want to be able to get back into blogging, it's been a stressful time and I plan on next quarter taking off a realistic amount of time opposed to trying to please everyone and having to really think hard about if I ate or if I slept more than 2 hours. My comeback will slowly happen. 

Saturday, October 4, 2014

"You never have time for me."

If my blog could talk, that's what it would say. That's actually what many people have been saying to me over the past month or two. On Monday I started school again. I'm not going to lie, I've enjoyed being there all day Monday and all day Wednesday. I get to take too many notes (I love physically writing) and I don't have to deal with work, or anything except class.

I've been saying I've wanted to come back to blogging and before school started, I had no time to sit down with my macbook long enough to focus on a post. I still don't have much time for myself, but I plan on making time during breaks between classes to work on blogging.

Lately, I've been really fed up with people making me feel bad for not having time to spend with them. I don't even have time for myself. "If you wanted to hang out, you'd make time." Really? I'm pretty sure I can't add more hours to the day. I'm over feeling like I'm a bad person because I work too much and go to school more than full-time. And honestly, I've been pretty numb towards the people who have been acting this way towards me.

I think that's what I miss the most about blogging. I can completely slack on blogging and when I show up, I have people who are actually excited to read a post. Thank you so much if you're one of those people.

Also, if you watch The Voice you may have heard the voice I've been obsessed with for years. I was beyond excited to watch him on the premiere.. they saved the best for last!

Anyways, I hope you all are having a wonderful weekend! I'm ready for some Fireball! Cheers!

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Time to catch up...

Although I really should, I haven't quit blogging. I've been drafting posts and none of them seem to get the job done. I feel so far behind on just about everything. So if you're still sticking around I'll fill you in super quick on some of the things that have been happening in life. 

I don't start school until the end of September because I have quarters (10 week classes) opposed to semesters (15 week classes). I've been working pretty much 7 days a week at both jobs. Exhausted? Beyond!

I took one of those wine painting classes with my mom a few weeks ago.. I think it's obviously that I'm not an artist..

I've been single for a few months and honestly, I'm sick of dating. I'm considering just worrying about my own schedule and my own happiness. Maybe I should make a post this week about how much dating sucks.

I did meet a guy. Our first date was absolutely perfect and I laughed and smiled more than ever. We talk every day and I was finally feeling really happy. However, I don't know that I can deal with his job. I've been trying, but it's hard. Go figure. 

The dude I dated for 3 years came over one night a few weeks ago to drop off beer. That turned into a few hours of catching up and me realizing why I deserve better. I haven't talked to him since, except when he tries to brag about things I don't care about. 

I finally changed my hair color! I've been wanting to go red, but always did a temporary brown with a red tint. When it faded it'd be super noticeable. So I finally had the courage to go permeant. Here's a before and after...

It might be hard to tell from the picture, but it's more of the color that Chelsea from Teem Mom has. 

I've been so busy lately and really lacking motivation to do anything when I have a little bit of free time. I promise I want to be back on here more regularly, I've been saying that forever. But, I've had some time to think of blog ideas and I really want to get the ball rolling.

As always, thanks for sticking around!